whew

feeling better today. made it to work. pants fitting better, which is nice. my stomach is still iffy, so i continue to baby it.

i still wish i were lying on the beach at Ti Point with justjenine. i still feel deprived over missing Thanksgiving, even though she put up with me for a week in August.

i'm thinking about a lot of things, but having a hard time putting them into words. i wish i could meditate. (believe me, i've tried. i've never been able to do it.) i need a break from the inner turmoil. my brain is like, "oh, good! now that we don't have to worry so much about money, i'll shove some more crap to the surface for you to deal with!"

this is why i have been obsessively playing computer backgammon: it's the same principle as letting your boss think you're busier than you are. i trick my brain into thinking it's busy, so it will stop trying to give me more to do.

it doesn't work very well.