unrelated commentary

well, what do you know! apparently people are finally catching on that it may not have been such a great idea electing a musclebound, ass-grabbing action hero as Governator of California! this article doesn't even mention how much time he spends outside CA, raising money for his re-election campaign.

in completely unrelated news, this profile on sfgate personals is making me laugh and laugh.  it's just awful. my favorite part: "Im a nerd, through and through. I can make you laugh and feel so comfortable...you wont even realize im being an asshole."

the cognitive dissonance is killing me. what the fucking fuck do these people think "nerd" and "geek" mean? how the fuck can it be cool to be a nerdgeek? we don't say things like "party like a rockstar, kick a little ass," we say "I have a microwave and a giant light bulb, and most days that's enough for me." [1] we're not cool, goddammit! [2] that's the whole point! what... the... FUCK?

[1] obAttribution: madbodger
[2] well, ok, some of us are cool. like tongodeon. but he didn't start out cool. trust me. i knew him before he grew into his head.

where's matrushkaka when you need her?

Southern Illinois University issues warnings after deer attacks

"This is something that is uncommon for us to deal with," Todd Sigler, the university's public safety chief, told reporters Wednesday, a day after one person was threatened and two others were sent to a hospital after a doe charged them.

A deer also attacked a person Monday, and two of three people injured by a doe June 7 required hospital care, Sigler said.

it's the perfect setup for a horror movie. animals exhibiting strange and uncharacteristically aggressive behavior... college campus... they even have a wildlife research facility -- and one for organic and medicinal chemistry. all you need is a greedy dean who's in the pocket of evil corporate overlords who are in turn in the pocket of the DoD, an attractive wildlife researcher who's determined to find out what's really going on, and a rough-edged but good-hearted local sheriff who's been forbidden to investigate by the corrupt mayor, but is swayed by the attractive professor.

but seriously, there are many fine research facilities on the SIU campus. my personal favorite: the Center for Advanced Friction Studies. but maybe that's just because i need to get laid.

if any organization ever needed to have its name on a thong from cafepress, this is it, baby.

sometimes all you can do is blink

i have of late, but wherefore i know not, been participating in online consumer surveys. (well, ok, i do know wherefore: see, they give you points for each survey you answer, and you can use them to buy "raffle tickets" for their monthly giveaways. and one of the giveaways is a really boss stainless steel gas grill. another is a 32" plasma screen TV. and the surveys generally take no more than two or three minutes, so what the hell. maybe i'll throw the curve somewhere and companies will stop selling stupid useless crap nobody needs. or, uh, not. but anyway.)

so. i was taking this survey about a Top Secret, unreleased kids' fruit snack product. i am forbidden! to tell you the manufacturer (Kellogg's) or the name (Fruit Stringers) of this Highly Confidential Product. essentially, it is like string cheese, but it is made of fruit and fortified with protein. it looks revolting. kids will love the stuff.

now, i'd answered that i don't have kids, and usually that's enough to disqualify me for actually answering most surveys. (but i still get the points! yay! i'm such a tool!) but this one continued, and eventually presented me with a series of statements about kids' snacks that i was to rate on a scale of 1 to 5. gamely, i tried to imagine how i would feel about these things if i did in fact have kids. for example, i took it as a given that yes, kids do love snacks with cartoon characters on the box. whoever invented that idea deserves all the millions they have undoubtedly earned.

but then... then i came to this statement:

"I enjoy spending time at the supermarket looking for new snacks for my kids to try."

uh... maybe it's just my utter and complete lack of a biological clock, but i have a hard time believing that anyone...

oh, god. my mom. she used to cut out coupons for new snacks and stuff and run to the store as soon as they were available so she could be one of the first to try them.

then again, my mother is certifiably insane.

then again, so am i. but hey, at least i don't cut coupons. all the junk mail that comes to me goes directly into the recycling bin.

* * *

in totally unrelated news, my hair is now cute again. short, but not as short as before. the cut is extremely similar to that of the weather chick on a local news program. i hope the one person who will get the irony of this enjoys it.

i also hope larry will not say the same thing to me that i said to him when he got his hair cut: "jesus, what happened to your head?"

more evidence for my coma theory

anarchists plan to descend on Palo Alto for the second time in two months. the local news is warning that "hundreds of anarchists" could come from all over California for the protest.

anarchists.

Palo Alto.

i rest my case.

yes, as a matter of fact, i am giggling uncontrollably.