the things we do to avoid working

jenine emailed me the other day and asked me to write her a really over-the-top recommendation letter for some sort of training thing she's doing. no, she said, really over the top, not believable, just entertaining. so i finally got around to it this afternoon. here's what i wrote:

To Whom It May Concern:

I've known Jenine for about seventeen years,
and I've spent most of those years in a state
of constant amazement at her incredible feats
of strength and derring-do.  Her eerie mutant
powers are second only to her incredible
modesty.  Fiercely protective of her family's 
privacy, she keeps her secret life as a globe-
trotting adventurer, rocket scientist, and
superhero strictly separate from her personal
life.

Surely everyone remembers the day I first met
Jenine, when in her secret crime-fighting 
identity she rescued twenty handicapped 
schoolchildren from certain death as their bus
teetered precariously on the rim of the grand 
canyon, using only her gleaming white teeth and
her Wonderbra to pull the victims to safety.  
She became the darling of the world media that 
day.

But what few people know is that she was also
the unmentioned third person to stand on Everest
with Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzin Norgay 50 
years ago.  She was also the unnamed fourth 
member of the Apollo 11 crew when they landed
on the Moon in 1969.  Jonas Salk could never
have created the first polio vaccine without
her invaluable assistance.  And yet, even as
she provided support and encouragement to Albert
Einstein during the years of research that 
ultimately led to his discovery of the theory
of relativity, she found time to raise a
family, pursue a successful career as a rock
star and movie icon, and win the Miss Universe
contest five years running!

Let the truth now be told: Jenine Abarbanel is
truly the greatest hero of our age, perhaps of
any age.  Her towering, near-mythic greatness
stands unequalled, and through her good works 
she inspires us all to reach for the greatness
within ourselves.

Thus I can wholeheartedly recommend her for 
whatever it is I'm recommending her for.  I am
certain that whatever the job may be, there is 
no one better suited for the task than my good
friend Jenine.

Sincerely Yours,

Meredith Tanner
Evil Genius and Future Overlord of the Universe

because hey, if you can't depend on your friends to write you a letter of reference, what are they good for?