Public Announcement, courtesy of boutell

Public Announcement

Dear friends, family, acquaintances, and political representatives,

If I am diagnosed by a capable team of medical doctors as in a "persistent vegetative state" with "no hope of any cognitive function," let me die. Help me die quicker, if you can.

I am, in case there was any doubt, perfectly serious.

Thank you.

tips for online dating profiles

all of these are taken from my current "best matches" list on OKCupid. no, really.

1. Never use the words "currently working as" to preface what you do for a living. This makes it flamingly obvious that you don't have a stable career.
   
2. Never post a picture of yourself wearing a cloak with the hood up, half-obscuring your face, unless you are posting to evilwizardmatch.com.
   
3. Otaku? No thank you. You do know what that word really means, don't you?
   
4. Don't spend two paragraphs of your profile sarcastically advising "women who just want to quit their job and start popping out babies right now" not to reply. A simple "I am filled with anger and resentment toward women and think they are all money-grubbing baby factories" will suffice.
   
5. Do not select the username "Cowardly_Lion."
   
6. Do not write your profile in verse. This goes double if you have no grasp of meter or rhyme.
   
7. Don't list your sister first when asked for six things you can't live without. It sounds... creepy.
   
8. Don't crop the thumbnail of your picture to show only your crotch.
   

HTH, HAND.

lovely.

the california franchise tax board has garnished my wages. 25% worth. this of course would make it impossible for me to make payments to the IRS, or, for that matter, pay the accountant who's going to help me straighten out my tax situation. so now i'll have to call them and explain that and see if i can get them to call off the dogs.

god, i am so fucking sick of having money problems. SO fucking sick of it.