from the vault, c. 1995

the cult of nonconformity
(from talk.bizarre)

if i were a speck, or a fly on the wall,
i would tarry in certain salons;
i'd lurk and i'd listen to what people said --
what deep subjects they lectured upon.
i'd absorb their instructions on how i should live,
and what kind of person to be,
and i'd take down a list of the things that are cool
and i'd ape them assiduously.

if i were a mite, or a bug in the phone,
i'd be studious, earnest, and meek;
and i'd follow the crowd to the hangout du jour
and engage in the fad of the week.
i'd tender opinions (so fondly rehearsed)
on the gravitous matter at hand,
in order to demonstrate just how well versed
in the culture i've chosen i am.

if i were a CIA list'ning device
a transceiver in somebody's head --
but fuck this! i'm not, and i have my own brain,
so i'll do things my own way instead.
i'll pass on becoming the people i like
so's to have them admire my wit,
and simply behave like myself, and if you're
not amused, well, i don't give a shit.

(the cult of nonconformity, i find,
appears to strike devotees deaf and blind --
as if they all wore sacks upon their heads.
if only it would strike them dumb instead!)