magnetic and pantsless

tonight at the Alamo Drafthouse on South Lamar: The Host, aka Gwoemul. reliable sources inform me that this movie is an absolute must-see; it's been described as "the movie that the 1998 Godzilla should have been."

tonight's shows are the last, inconveniently at 4pm and 10:10pm. i'll probably do the 10:10pm one, although if no one else is interested, i might try to skip out of work early and go at 4pm instead.

who's with me? anyone? anyone? Bueller?

the latest Sci-Fi channel epic, "Alien Express," manages to hit damn near every B movie cliche known to man in the first half-hour. it's a thing of beauty, man, i'm telling you. you've got aliens, you've got unstoppable supertrains (the dead man switch isn't working!), you've got assassination attempts on sleazy political candidates who are chasing after airheaded beauty queens infatuated with power (they'll die any second now), you've got eldery couples celebrating their wedding anniversary (the husband of whom just happens to be a retired war hero), you've got stupid people dying gratuitously grisly deaths, you've got the hot ex-wife the hero is still in love with and the good-looking rich guy who's after her (who will, of course, turn out to be either evil or wimpy by the end of the movie), you've got your renegade cop hero who's still beating himself up over a "mistake" he made where "people died" ("my flying days are over!") played by Lou Diamond Phillips (DOUBLE BONUS) who's ordered off the case by his toadying boss but decides to pursue it anyway and ropes his pal into it ("do you ever follow the rules?"), you've got a bomb ("drop the gun or we all die!")... uh, what am i missing? oh yeah, green slime, you've got your green slime.

it's fucking genius. genius, i'm telling you. i could not possibly be more enthralled.

i have to go now -- the engineer's dead, and the train is going at least 70mph, and i hear something growling and devouring human flesh!

UPDATE: there's another train on the same tracks! and communications are out! and IT'S HAULING NUCLEAR WASTE!

VERDICT: i loved this movie. two extremely large thumbs up the ass. this is a fuckin' a-for-outstanding trashy movie.

i knew Van Helsing was going to be really bad, but truly, it exceeds expectations. i haven't laughed so hard since... well, since that Pacino thing the other day. cliche upon cliche upon cliche -- this is the kind of thing you can't properly appreciate unless you're in good -- and stoned -- company.

oh god. it's getting worse. can't... stop... laughing....