Jun. 5th, 2008 01:14 pm
mountain_laurel: (Default)
8-year-old blues guitarist's agent gets death threat.

what the hell kind of an asshole goes to such lengths to screw things up for an 8-year-old? on the other hand, the existence of such an 8-year-old is pretty damn awesome.
mountain_laurel: (snow ninja still fights polar bear)
Nebraska state senator sues God; God counterfiles. This news story must be preserved for posterity, so I'll paste the whole thing in behind the cut: )

this is the most brilliant lawsuit in the history of ever. i'm in awe of senator chambers, and want him to run for president. and whoever's behind god's filing is a fucking genius too. beautiful, just fucking beautiful. the world needs more stuff like this.

in other news, i seem to have leveled off somewhere just above crush depth. i have socialized and actually enjoyed it, i saw an amazing show by James McMurtry last night (and if you haven't heard him you really, really need to), i've actually kept my apartment about as clean as it was when Matt and Susan were done with it, and i've reverted from the unsettling state of actually wanting to die to my more usual routine of just not caring one way or the other. i'm not accomplishing everything i need to, but i'm at least maintaining a bare minimum of functionality and trying to work out a plan to make sure i manage to do certain things every day.

for example, bathing. )

anyway, yeah. that's about where i'm at right now.
mountain_laurel: (cognitive hazard)
i have no words: 68% of Republicans don't believe in evolution.

once you're done crying over that, you can cheer up by reading about the time the US military tried to build a gay bomb.
mountain_laurel: (Default)
wasn't this the fancy Japanese toilet you were so excited about a couple of years ago?
mountain_laurel: (snow ninja still fights polar bear)
you can't make this shit up: Sea mammals are best line of defense against sea attacks, U.S. Navy says.
Animal rights activists are resisting Navy plans to ship the dolphins and sea lions to Washington state. They worry that waters in the region, which are about 10 degrees Fahrenheit (6 degrees Celsius) cooler than in San Diego Harbor, could put stress on the animals. They also are concerned diseases could be transmitted to the area's native orca population.

"There are no bottlenose dolphins in these waters for a reason and I would say it's because it's too darn cold," said Seattle-area marine biologist Toni Frohoff.

Protesters showed up at public meetings held by the Navy in the Seattle area to discuss the Navy's plan. Several of them knitted woolly hats and sailor uniforms for the animals as a way of drawing attention to the issue -- costumes that could never actually be worn.

"People contributed some handsome hats, and there's talk of mittens," said Knitting for Dolphins member Janet Bailey.

but the very, very best quote:
"We have never trained any Navy marine mammals to do any harming, attacking or stabbing," Navy spokesman Tom LaPuzza said. "We have never done anything like that, and we never will."

Vonnegut's fucking with our reality from the grave, isn't he?

in other surreal or otherwise peculiar news:

and just for fun, here's a great picture of a crocodile with a guy's arm in its mouth. just the arm. (not for the squeamish)
mountain_laurel: (cherchez le poisson)
just for [livejournal.com profile] valkyrie_kitten, via [livejournal.com profile] 2wanda: Meat Cake!

for everybody else, Maggot Paintings. no, that's not paintings of maggots. it's paintings by maggots.

also, Keith Richards snorted his father's ashes. which is not so much a case of "you can't make this shit up" as "you don't have to make this shit up."

and this is just turning into one of those weird news entries, but a New Jersey judge has ruled that it's not illegal to drive a zamboni while drunk. which has now become one of my life's great ambitions.
mountain_laurel: (snow ninja still fights polar bear)
okay, i know i've been posting a lot today, but this is too good:

A woman was caught with three live crocodiles strapped to her waist when a border guard thought she looked "strangely fat".

top that, Guido.
mountain_laurel: (whiskey tango foxtrot)
the son of an Oakland mayoral candidate (and president of the city council) has been arraigned on five felony counts of raping and sexually assaulting four prostitutes. his attorneys argue that the prostitutes falsely accused him of rape because he didn't pay them.

um... i'm pretty sure that counts as rape, guys.
mountain_laurel: (cherchez le poisson)
once again, in lieu of any interesting or personal information, i bring you random weird shit.
mountain_laurel: (cherchez le poisson)
Scientists figure out why Mona Lisa smiles
In what they viewed as a fun demonstration of technology rather than a serious experiment, the researchers scanned a reproduction of Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece and subjected it to cutting-edge "emotion recognition" software, developed in collaboration with the University of Illinois.

The result showed the painting's famous subject was 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful and 2 percent angry. She was less than 1 percent neutral, and not at all surprised.

in other words, women feel exactly the same today about being ogled as they did 500 years ago.
mountain_laurel: (cherchez le poisson)
one for [livejournal.com profile] dglenn:

Rio may require transvestite bathrooms
Moreira, a 32-year-old policeman on leave from the force, said he got the idea when dozens of transvestites showed up for a local samba show.

"It was a real problem. The women didn't feel comfortable having them in the ladies' room, and the men didn't want them in their bathroom either," said Moreira, who is married and the father of two children. "I'm not doing this for my own benefit."

He said the "alternative bathrooms" could also be used by men or women who didn't mind sharing space with transvestites.

(this isn't actually "weird" news per se, but it came from the "weird news" section.)

one for [livejournal.com profile] tongodeon:

accused molester claims her 15-year-old husband aggressively wooed her
"They're making a big deal out of a 15-year-old," she told WAGA-TV in Atlanta. "And I can assure you that he was no victim.

"It's not like they are making it out to be. Actually, I'd told him 'no' several times because I prefer someone older, but he was just so nice and so sweet," she said.

and one for the rest of us:

cops kick down woman's snow penis
Biasotti worries the display might give others ideas. "Now we're going to get snow penises popping up all over town," he said.

Many scholars, of course, trace the origin of the modern-day yule log to ancient pagan totems to virility and sun-god worship. Is that what Sherer was going for?

"We just did it because we were really bored, and we thought it'd be funny," she said. "It was huge."
mountain_laurel: (Default)
truer words were never spoken: "the one thing we all have in common is Bruce Lee."

i'm speechless.
mountain_laurel: (BABY!)

addendum: Bobby Henderson, of Flying Spaghetti Monster fame, scored an $80k advance for The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. nice going, Bobby, but make sure you get a real job before the buzz dies down, because this is not going to be the beginning of a great media empire.
mountain_laurel: (Default)
  1. deer hit by car hits man who pulled over because he thought he hit a deer.
  2. baggy pants: another of The Man's conspiracies?
  3. Krazy Glue: $3.69. sixpack of Busch: $3.99. phone call: 10¢/minute. supergluing your ex-boyfriend's butt cheeks together: PRICELESS.
  4. man dresses up as Belligerent Drunk Man for Halloween, actually becomes belligerent and drunk. police are called in when The Green Lantern is unable to subdue him.
  5. demon accosts good samaritan helping vampire.
  6. no, Virginia, there is no magic potion that turns white paper into $20 bills.
  7. give up the goats: an Ohio boy with ADHD may lose his "helper animals" to zoning laws.

    and today's special bonus headgrabber:
  8. juvenile jail chief forced out of job when his foot fetish is discovered. (authorities are still unable to produce the logic that went into the decision at this time.)
mountain_laurel: (girl with cat)
okay, look. we all love our pets. and everybody knows it's a bad sign if your pet doesn't like your date. but this is taking it just a little too far.


mountain_laurel: (Default)

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