best. lawsuit. EVAR.
Sep. 21st, 2007 07:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mountain_laurelNebraska state senator sues God; God counterfiles. This news story must be preserved for posterity, so I'll paste the whole thing in here.
this is the most brilliant lawsuit in the history of ever. i'm in awe of senator chambers, and want him to run for president. and whoever's behind god's filing is a fucking genius too. beautiful, just fucking beautiful. the world needs more stuff like this.
in other news, i seem to have leveled off somewhere just above crush depth. i have socialized and actually enjoyed it, i saw an amazing show by James McMurtry last night (and if you haven't heard him you really, really need to), i've actually kept my apartment about as clean as it was when Matt and Susan were done with it, and i've reverted from the unsettling state of actually wanting to die to my more usual routine of just not caring one way or the other. i'm not accomplishing everything i need to, but i'm at least maintaining a bare minimum of functionality and trying to work out a plan to make sure i manage to do certain things every day.
for example, bathing. i'm usually fastidious about that kind of thing. i don't like to leave the house unless i've had a shower and washed my hair; only on very rare occasion will i make an exception. i mean, there was that few weeks in junior high when i quit bathing, changing my clothes, or even brushing my hair -- and for some reason slept with my cowboy hat on, i have no idea why. i'm pretty sure, thinking back on it, that it was my first depressive episode, which would move the timeline back another two or three years, to 13 or 14.
(my parents didn't even notice, but the fact that all of my hair was snarled into one giant tangle at the back of my head prompted the girl who sat behind me in spanish class -- who was popular and had never spoken to me before -- to spend all of class for three days unknotting my hair until it was actually combable. thereafter i was invited to a few popular-kid parties, which were unbelievably boring because all anyone did was sit around drinking punch -- punch! -- and trying to psychically will the right person to ask them to dance. nobody ever actually did, though. that was a real eye-opener for me, and over the summer at smart-kid camp, i decided to abandon self-consciousness and let it all hang out, which resulted in a cute, popular boy taking a liking to me and electing me "Marsh Bunny of the Year".
i took that attitude back to school with me in the fall, and within a few months i'd managed to form my very own posse of nerdgeeks. and suddenly i was popular. me! popular! i mean, only with the nerdgeeks, but our parties were way better because we did cool stuff like making napalm and thermite and watching videos and talking about about what parts of the human body we'd like to redesign. i was still shy, but i'd figured out ways around it. i'm exceptionally good at drawing attention to myself, in case anyone had missed that. and i'm pretty much ok as long as people talk to me first.
or at least i was. curtis managed to pound that excruciating self-consciousness back into me, and ten years later i still can't find my way back around it. (except by drinking copiously, which is a less than optimal approach to the problem.) thus was my depression enhanced by the addition of social phobia.)
but i digress. i was originally talking about how the idea of taking a shower seems like such a gargantuan, exhausting effort that i'll do almost anything to avoid it. if i do have plans that involve going anywhere, i'll put it off till the last possible second and show up with my hair still wet. i'm not quite sure when this started; i think it was sometime between the fall of nerdsholm and the great![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
naomi_traveller debacle. i've said this before, but pretty much ever since then i've been running on my lizard brain.
the lizard brain is all about animal instinct. at the first sign of danger, it scoots under a rock and stays very, very still until it's certain the danger has passed. but since it's getting a faulty mix of neurotransmitters, it just keeps on sensing danger and never comes out from under the rock. Newton's third law of motion (and hey, he has "newt" in his name so naturally the lizard brain knows all about him) says that every action has an equal and opposite reaction; this means that doing anything will make something happen, and the lizard brain is certain that whatever it is, it'll probably be bad. it's that whole butterfly effect thing, you know? i take a shower in south austin, and a nuclear plant melts down in china, killing the entire population of shanghai. don't laugh, IT COULD HAPPEN. thus it is imperative to not do anything at all. just stay under that rock and whatever you do, don't move a muscle.
of course, this is all hopelessly fallacious, but try telling that to the lizard brain.
anyway, yeah. that's about where i'm at right now.
'God' apparently responds to lawsuit
By NATE JENKINS, Associated Press Writer Fri Sep 21, 4:17 PM ET
LINCOLN, Neb. - A legislator who filed a lawsuit against God has gotten something he might not have expected: a response. One of two court filings from "God" came Wednesday under otherworldly circumstances, according to John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha.
"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here — poof!" Friend said.
State Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha sued God last week, seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty for making terroristic threats, inspiring fear and causing "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."
Chambers, a self-proclaimed agnostic who often criticizes Christians, said his filing was triggered by a federal lawsuit he considers frivolous. He said he's trying to makes the point that anybody can sue anybody.
Not so, says "God." His response argues that the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction.
It adds that blaming God for human oppression and suffering misses an important point.
"I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response, as read by Friend.
There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.
A second response from "God" disputing Chambers' allegations lists a phone number for a Corpus Christi law office. A message left for that office was not immediately returned Thursday.
Attempts to reach Chambers by phone and at his Capitol office Thursday were unsuccessful.
___
Associated Press Writer Anna Jo Bratton in Omaha contributed to this report.
this is the most brilliant lawsuit in the history of ever. i'm in awe of senator chambers, and want him to run for president. and whoever's behind god's filing is a fucking genius too. beautiful, just fucking beautiful. the world needs more stuff like this.
in other news, i seem to have leveled off somewhere just above crush depth. i have socialized and actually enjoyed it, i saw an amazing show by James McMurtry last night (and if you haven't heard him you really, really need to), i've actually kept my apartment about as clean as it was when Matt and Susan were done with it, and i've reverted from the unsettling state of actually wanting to die to my more usual routine of just not caring one way or the other. i'm not accomplishing everything i need to, but i'm at least maintaining a bare minimum of functionality and trying to work out a plan to make sure i manage to do certain things every day.
for example, bathing. i'm usually fastidious about that kind of thing. i don't like to leave the house unless i've had a shower and washed my hair; only on very rare occasion will i make an exception. i mean, there was that few weeks in junior high when i quit bathing, changing my clothes, or even brushing my hair -- and for some reason slept with my cowboy hat on, i have no idea why. i'm pretty sure, thinking back on it, that it was my first depressive episode, which would move the timeline back another two or three years, to 13 or 14.
(my parents didn't even notice, but the fact that all of my hair was snarled into one giant tangle at the back of my head prompted the girl who sat behind me in spanish class -- who was popular and had never spoken to me before -- to spend all of class for three days unknotting my hair until it was actually combable. thereafter i was invited to a few popular-kid parties, which were unbelievably boring because all anyone did was sit around drinking punch -- punch! -- and trying to psychically will the right person to ask them to dance. nobody ever actually did, though. that was a real eye-opener for me, and over the summer at smart-kid camp, i decided to abandon self-consciousness and let it all hang out, which resulted in a cute, popular boy taking a liking to me and electing me "Marsh Bunny of the Year".
i took that attitude back to school with me in the fall, and within a few months i'd managed to form my very own posse of nerdgeeks. and suddenly i was popular. me! popular! i mean, only with the nerdgeeks, but our parties were way better because we did cool stuff like making napalm and thermite and watching videos and talking about about what parts of the human body we'd like to redesign. i was still shy, but i'd figured out ways around it. i'm exceptionally good at drawing attention to myself, in case anyone had missed that. and i'm pretty much ok as long as people talk to me first.
or at least i was. curtis managed to pound that excruciating self-consciousness back into me, and ten years later i still can't find my way back around it. (except by drinking copiously, which is a less than optimal approach to the problem.) thus was my depression enhanced by the addition of social phobia.)
but i digress. i was originally talking about how the idea of taking a shower seems like such a gargantuan, exhausting effort that i'll do almost anything to avoid it. if i do have plans that involve going anywhere, i'll put it off till the last possible second and show up with my hair still wet. i'm not quite sure when this started; i think it was sometime between the fall of nerdsholm and the great
naomi_traveller debacle. i've said this before, but pretty much ever since then i've been running on my lizard brain.the lizard brain is all about animal instinct. at the first sign of danger, it scoots under a rock and stays very, very still until it's certain the danger has passed. but since it's getting a faulty mix of neurotransmitters, it just keeps on sensing danger and never comes out from under the rock. Newton's third law of motion (and hey, he has "newt" in his name so naturally the lizard brain knows all about him) says that every action has an equal and opposite reaction; this means that doing anything will make something happen, and the lizard brain is certain that whatever it is, it'll probably be bad. it's that whole butterfly effect thing, you know? i take a shower in south austin, and a nuclear plant melts down in china, killing the entire population of shanghai. don't laugh, IT COULD HAPPEN. thus it is imperative to not do anything at all. just stay under that rock and whatever you do, don't move a muscle.
of course, this is all hopelessly fallacious, but try telling that to the lizard brain.
anyway, yeah. that's about where i'm at right now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 02:11 am (UTC)Re: Attribution for the quote file:
Date: 2007-09-22 10:28 pm (UTC)and the Machiavelli quote isn't yours, i'm afraid. i forget who it was, but i do know it was someone who went by J., whose name, i'm pretty sure, started with a J.
your quote about 'seekers' is still one of my favorites EVER.
Needs something
Date: 2007-09-22 07:11 am (UTC)'... everybody dies. Oh, the embarassment!'
[Not laughing (you described it well), but I kinda hope you do laugh.]
Re: Needs something
Date: 2007-09-22 10:29 pm (UTC)i did smile, though.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 04:42 pm (UTC)Is that like a snow bunny, only... no. I can't go there.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 10:35 pm (UTC)Robert (Cecil Saunders Rhudy III, sweartogod), the boy in question, and his roommates had decided to form a Society for the Preservation and Appreciation of Marsh Bunnies, and he recruited me early on. i'm pretty sure it was just a tactic to get chicks to come to their room parties, but hey, whatever works.
since i hadn't yet developed leporiphobia, i found the whole thing very entertaining.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-25 05:50 pm (UTC)Can you override the lizard brain enough to walk around your block? Or your building? Or up and down the hall three times? Whatever is within reach. Moving makes such a huge difference for me.
No pressure, of course.