ok, at 35 i know i already qualify as an adult and all, but i've taken an odd and circuitous route to get here. there are a few areas in which i'm still a little behind the curve. today, i reached another: my very own prescription for sedatives.
see, in the past, doctors always treated me with a great deal of suspicion. not that i can really blame them; when a scruffy, non-college-educated, chronically unemployed musician with a family history of mental illness, alcoholism, drug addiction, and suicide attempts wanders into a doctor's office, i sure hope the doctor thinks really hard about what sort of drugs they're prescribing.
nevertheless, it's been very frustrating to me over the years trying to get adequate medication for my arthritis and depression without having doctors assume i'm some kind of drug-seeking junkie. i say i'm in pain, they tell me to take more ibuprofen. i say i'm so wound up i can't sleep, they suggest warm milk. around the time i turned 30, they started taking me seriously in some areas, and it was a real revelation to find out how much better medical care is when your doctor isn't trying to get you out the door as quickly as possible because they think you're only there for drugs.
today, my psychiatrist listened to me describe the anxiety problems i've been having lately and prescribed Ativan. she trusted me to be responsible. she didn't assume i was just looking for a cheap high. she gave me a fair bit of flexibility in terms of how much to take and when. and i feel ridiculously pleased with myself. me! i pass for sane and responsible enough to have a grownup drug! woohoo!
i'm also looking forward to knocking my sleep patterns back into some sort of reasonable shape, and not waking up feeling like a Giger alien is trying to eat its way out of my chest cavity.
yeah, i know i'm making myself sound really strange. but when you come right down to it, i, well, uh... i'm really strange.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
