bleah

i'm working in bed today, having come down with a sore throat and a moderate fever yesterday. i did manage to rouse myself last night to throw together a bacon and green chili quiche, but man, was i wiped out afterward.

good quiche, though.

sigh.

so the music thing was reawakened for me when my doctor bumped my Effexor dosage up to 225mg. that made me uncomfortably speedy, so she had me drop it back down to 187.5mg. slowly but surely, my urge to do music has died back down to nothing over the last couple of weeks, coinciding perfectly with the medication change.

this really depresses the fuck out of me.

other stuff

dinner tonight will be chicken marinated in lemon juice, fresh rosemary, and garlic, with some steamed asparagus and perhaps a salad if i'm feeling up to it.

picking up prescriptions and going to the grocery store just about wiped me out. i'm sicker than i thought. and yet it never occurred to me to pick up frozen dinners. i may have lost the music bug, but at least the cooking bug has stuck around. when i start existing on frozen food, that's when things are really bad.

yesterday yong_mi was bemoaning that she feels anxious that other people are out saving the world and curing cancer while she "sits on her butt". yong-mi is one of the least butt-sitting people i've ever met. her workload would kill me. palecur and i were talking about how neither of us feels the least bit anxious that we're not achieving great things; i myself am mostly content to have a job i don't hate that pays my bills and allows me to eat out sometimes. i feel like the fact that i survived to adulthood is achievement enough, really.

TomF flipped out, called us "wilfully useless", and stomped off in a huff saying we disgusted him. well, us and gooley, who had just admitted to shooting a feral dog on his property. (TomF is vegan, so this is at least understandable.)

you know, that really burned my butt. the Dalai Lama himself said that the purpose of life is to make yourself happy; for some people, that means saving the world and curing cancer, and for others that means eating well and petting cats daily. the only time i feel anxious at all about my general lack of ambition is when people get on my case about it.

either way, i guess i won't be expending much effort on TomF anytime soon.