first rule of hotlist: don't talk about hotlist

today i logged into OKCupid for the first time in a week to discover that for two days running, i've been on the OKCupid "hotlist." they describe this as "a daily compilation of users who've been voted significantly above average over an extended period of time on the Picture Browsing page." the list, mind you, has a whopping 2500 people on it. i'm not sure it's really that great an achievement to be voted one of the 2500 most attractive people on an online personals service. consider the words of my former therapist, who said "if you use online personals, you're only going to meet the kind of people who use online personals."

but the part that almost made me spit out my liver laughing was this: "We're only distributing the Hot List to the people on it--as part of our ongoing effort to pair people perfectly, we're figuring one attractive person deserves another. If you want to see the List, you must remember the url." (fiendishly difficult, that url! surely no one will ever guess it!)

that's right, baby: first rule of hotlist is DON'T TALK ABOUT HOTLIST.

i'm DYIN' here, people.

i feel like the Mata Hari of online dating. i have cunningly insinuated myself amongst the Brahmins of the beauty caste system! somehow, i must find a way to use this power for GOOD!

envy, content, and sufficient champagne

( pay no attention to the results behind the cut tag. )

sheer, gleeful, unapologetic blasphemy

blame dfan.

AP, Rome: Jean-Claude Turcotte suffered a grave setback today when he was defeated by the older but still formidable Peter Seiichi Shirayanagi in the hand-to-hand combat phase of the Virgin Atlantic Extreme Pontifical Challenge. While Archbishop Turcotte still leads on points after his stunning upset in the final round of the Name That Saint competition, Archbishop Shirayanagi will go on to face Archbishop José Freire Falção in the hand-to-hand semifinals.

In his statement to the press, Shirayanagi said of his victory only that Archbishop Turcotte fought honorably and that it was a privilege to do battle with him. "[Falção] will be a formidable opponent," he said when asked how he feels about his upcoming match with the undefeated Archbishop of Brazil, whose skill in capoeira, or Brazilian street fighting, is considered to be unmatched. "I look forward to meeting him in battle. Still, I believe Jiu-jitsu to be the superior art, and I expect to prevail."

The defeated Turcotte could not be reached for comment, but an inside source indicated he is being treated for a broken hip.