in case your Hummer wasn't big enough...

[mountain_laurel]

Try the CXT.

you know this thing will end up being way more popular than they expect.

i may have to start carrying eggs in my car, so i'll be prepared the first time i see one of these fucking monstrosities.* sure they'll spoil. all the better.

which reminds me -- a bright yellow grease pencil is a nice, non-permanent way to get your opinion across to the owners of any Hummers you may encounter. i recommend comments along the lines of "FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE." after all, our mighty Governator said it in the movies, so he must approve.

* ordinarily, i wouldn't advocate vandalizing private property, but in the case of HUGE GRATUITOUS PLANET-DESTROYING EGOMOBILES i make an exception. these things are an offense to humanity.

Comments

[wisn.livejournal.com]

Good lord.

This reminds me that in the heady days of 2000, Daimler-Chrysler was set to import the Unimog (http://www2.mercedes-benz.co.uk/content/unitedkingdom/mpc/mpc_unitedkingdom_website/en/home_mpc/unimog/home/products/new_unimog0/extreme_offroader.html) into the US. Not as a spartan heavy-duty utility truck, which is how the rest of the world uses it (and which would probably be useful here, since I don't see any American equivalents), but as a 16 foot three-ton leather-lined luxury vehicle with a body-length cab unique for the American market. Something or another happened having to do with Texans and a lot of broke dotcommers and it didn't happen, but it could have and that's scary enough.

[palecur.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time imagning a Unimog on the streets. Those damn things are fully as wide as some highway lanes in SoCal, where they shave the lanes down pretty thin to fit in an extra one and there are no shoulders.

That said, I'm a stout (LOL FAT LOL) champion of people being allowed to own and drive what they want. Don't like SUVs? Don't drive one. I don't. Well, ok, someone apparently thinks the Scion xB is an SUV, but seriously, in what universe? It gets 35 mpg and it's tiny.

[merde.livejournal.com]

hey, i never said anything about outlawing them. the last thing we need is more stupid laws. besides, if there were any justice in the universe, they'd be covered under public obscenity laws, just like taking a dump on the steps of the state capitol.

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

What the FUCK. I am SO looking forward to sharing the road with those behemoths.

You just watch. Next, my insurance company will say "we don't cover any damage resulting from Humvees and other large vehicles that are intended to make up for small penis size."

[boutell.livejournal.com]

Dude, no mileage figures!

vulgarity in action

[merde.livejournal.com]

nobody who'd buy one of these gives a rat's ass what the mileage is. or emissions. or anything else except having the biggest tackle in the gated community.

the website is riddled with typos, too. unless "pickuptruck," "seemless," and "aspacious" are words now and periods are no longer required at the end of sentences.

i foresee a use for "aspacious," though, once people start trying to park these things on the streets of San Francisco because they won't fit in a garage. and you know they will. and when they're ticketed for taking up two parking spaces, the Governator will push through legislation to relieve that unreasonable financial burden on the wealthy.

oh, for christ's sake, just kill me now.

Re: vulgarity in action

[merde.livejournal.com]

well, ok, they care about one other thing. getting their own reality show.

please tell me i'm dreaming.

please.

Re: vulgarity in action

[eejitalmuppet.livejournal.com]

I parsed "aspacious" by analogy with "amoral". 'Nuff said.

[pobig.livejournal.com]

Someone ought to finagle some weeny piezoelectric mirror onto a laser pen to scribble the uncomplimentary message of your choice on people's windows in searing grainy red light.